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Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took a great deal of space, time and other valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, Racing 3.6, Night with the boys 4.2 and Porn Movies 5.0 no longer run, and cause the system to crash whenever selected.

I have been unable to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run the aforementioned favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User.
______________________________________

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem and is a source of complaints from many of our male users. Many men have upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program however it must be understood that Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

We have found it impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Furthermore it is impossible to uninstall Wife 1.0 or purge these program files from the system once installed.

It is also impossible to go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to prevent this action. Look in your Wife 1.0 support manual on page 71 under WARNINGS-ALIMONY-CHILD SUPPORT. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and attempt to solve this problem by installing the background application "YES DEAR" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C\1- APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. One advantage in keeping Wife 1.0 is that it comes with several support programs, such as Clean 1.3, Sweep 2.5, Cook 3.2, Laundry 1.6, and Pay Bills 4.2.

Be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to automatically launch the program NAG-NAG-NAG 9.5. Once this program has been initiated the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software or augment the hardware. I recommend Flowers 2.1, Candy 1.2, Rolex 2.3 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install the utility program SECRETARY WITH SHORT SKIRT AND NICE LEGS 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support
 

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Thanks for that! Couldn't find it when I wanted to show my friends. Now I know where to find it :D
 

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Another Point of View

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House-Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

--Desperate

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Dear Desperate,

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.

--Tech Support
 

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DanMan32 said:
Yup, hot food will be a great help. Works for sales expos too.
"If you feed them, they will come"
I use it at the local home center (not Big Box). Amazing what a couple dozen freshly baked chocolate muffins will accomplish. ;)
 

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Sanny said:
DanMan32 said:
Yup, hot food will be a great help. Works for sales expos too.
"If you feed them, they will come"
I use it at the local home center (not Big Box). Amazing what a couple dozen freshly baked chocolate muffins will accomplish. ;)
Geez, that's just not playing fair! Throw in a cup of coffee and they will come right to your house and caulk the tub for you! :lol:
 

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Hep said:
Geez, that's just not playing fair! Throw in a cup of coffee and they will come right to your house and caulk the tub for you! :lol:
Never said I played fair. ;) For the local police, I send warm brownies and a half gallon of cold milk. ;)
 

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Hep said:
Sanny said:
DanMan32 said:
Yup, hot food will be a great help. Works for sales expos too.
"If you feed them, they will come"
I use it at the local home center (not Big Box). Amazing what a couple dozen freshly baked chocolate muffins will accomplish. ;)
Geez, that's just not playing fair! Throw in a cup of coffee and they will come right to your house and caulk the tub for you! :lol:
Really? Only muffins and coffee? I'd make that investment. I need my bathroom recaulked.
 

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DanMan32 said:
Hep said:
Sanny said:
DanMan32 said:
Yup, hot food will be a great help. Works for sales expos too.
"If you feed them, they will come"
I use it at the local home center (not Big Box). Amazing what a couple dozen freshly baked chocolate muffins will accomplish. ;)
Geez, that's just not playing fair! Throw in a cup of coffee and they will come right to your house and caulk the tub for you! :lol:
Really? Only muffins and coffee? I'd make that investment. I need my bathroom recaulked.
I am avialable next Friday between 8 and 5. I will call after 7 to give you a two hour window.
 
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