Take this test to see if you are an mpg junkie...
(Welcome all non-Prius mpg junkies as well
)
Have you ever turned the A/C off on a hot day to get better mpg ?
Do you keep the heater off on cold days to improve mpg ?
Does your Sig Other have to use the terms "roasting" or "freezing" to get you to use the A/C/Heater ?
Do you ever coast in neutral ?
Do you read, comment or participate in detailed discussions of the function of the Prius bladder ? Or other unique Hybrid features ?
Have you ever increased the psi on your tires to more than the mftrs suggested 35/33, to improve mileage ?
Have you ever rubbed your used motor oil all over your body to improve your complexion ?
If you answer YES to one of these questions, you are suspect. If you answer YES to two or more you are an mpg junkie in desperate need of rehab.
12 STEP REHAB PROGRAM FOR Prius MPG JUNKIES
1. Put a small piece of opaque masking tape over the places on display screen that show mpg.
2. Shred all paper records of mpg, fill-ups, temperature at fill-up, time of day, brand of gas, pump #, phase of moon,
3. Delete all computer records of same. Go to re-cycle bin on computer and delete them there also.
4. Rent a Large SUV for a WEEK, drive it exclusively for all activity.
5. For entire rehab period, do NOT re-read "hints for getting better mileage". Better yet, shred/delete that too.
6. Mid point. Test yourself.
Did you sleep in your Prius/vehicle after you returned the Large SUV ?
Did you sneak a peek at mpg screen ?
Did you secretly move mpg records to another place instead of shredding them ?
If NO to all questions, you have successfully completed REHAB.
If YES answer to any of the questions, continue on to #7.
7. Rent a Large SUV for MONTH, drive it exclusively for all activity.
8. Upon reuniting with your Prius/vehicle, no hugging, no kissing, no playing with the cargo net (horizontal or vertical).
9. Are you ready to permanently disavow ALL activity related to improving mpg, except to drive moderately, modestly and safely ?
If answer is YES, you have successfully completed rehab, go to Step 11.
If answer is NO, go to step 10.
10. Buy a Large SUV.
11. You may now resume recording mpg at fill ups, both calculated & computer.
BUT NO RECORDING OF :arrow: brand of gas, pump#s, phase of moon, slope of gas station, thickness of shoe soles, and similar frivolous environmental data . We have found these temptations are almost sure-fire to trigger repeat attacks of mpg junkie-ism.
12. Treat yourself to a fresh wild salmon dinner.
You have earned it. 8)
p.s. Keep an eye out for my Canary.
Above and associated posts is a work of fiction & satire. It is for amusement only. It is not to be taken literally. Although real product names and features may be used, any relationship to the real products & companies is purely coincidental.
(Welcome all non-Prius mpg junkies as well
Have you ever turned the A/C off on a hot day to get better mpg ?
Do you keep the heater off on cold days to improve mpg ?
Does your Sig Other have to use the terms "roasting" or "freezing" to get you to use the A/C/Heater ?
Do you ever coast in neutral ?
Do you read, comment or participate in detailed discussions of the function of the Prius bladder ? Or other unique Hybrid features ?
Have you ever increased the psi on your tires to more than the mftrs suggested 35/33, to improve mileage ?
Have you ever rubbed your used motor oil all over your body to improve your complexion ?
If you answer YES to one of these questions, you are suspect. If you answer YES to two or more you are an mpg junkie in desperate need of rehab.
12 STEP REHAB PROGRAM FOR Prius MPG JUNKIES
1. Put a small piece of opaque masking tape over the places on display screen that show mpg.
2. Shred all paper records of mpg, fill-ups, temperature at fill-up, time of day, brand of gas, pump #, phase of moon,
3. Delete all computer records of same. Go to re-cycle bin on computer and delete them there also.
4. Rent a Large SUV for a WEEK, drive it exclusively for all activity.
5. For entire rehab period, do NOT re-read "hints for getting better mileage". Better yet, shred/delete that too.
6. Mid point. Test yourself.
Did you sleep in your Prius/vehicle after you returned the Large SUV ?
Did you sneak a peek at mpg screen ?
Did you secretly move mpg records to another place instead of shredding them ?
If NO to all questions, you have successfully completed REHAB.
If YES answer to any of the questions, continue on to #7.
7. Rent a Large SUV for MONTH, drive it exclusively for all activity.
8. Upon reuniting with your Prius/vehicle, no hugging, no kissing, no playing with the cargo net (horizontal or vertical).
9. Are you ready to permanently disavow ALL activity related to improving mpg, except to drive moderately, modestly and safely ?
If answer is YES, you have successfully completed rehab, go to Step 11.
If answer is NO, go to step 10.
10. Buy a Large SUV.
11. You may now resume recording mpg at fill ups, both calculated & computer.
BUT NO RECORDING OF :arrow: brand of gas, pump#s, phase of moon, slope of gas station, thickness of shoe soles, and similar frivolous environmental data . We have found these temptations are almost sure-fire to trigger repeat attacks of mpg junkie-ism.
12. Treat yourself to a fresh wild salmon dinner.
p.s. Keep an eye out for my Canary.
Above and associated posts is a work of fiction & satire. It is for amusement only. It is not to be taken literally. Although real product names and features may be used, any relationship to the real products & companies is purely coincidental.