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The Borowitz Report - http://www.borowitzreport.com - a HUMOR site with FAKE news stories had this one today:

U.S. DROPS SUVs ON INSURGENTS
'Operation Iron Junk' In Full Swing Across Iraq, Says Rumsfeld

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced today that the U.S. military was taking advantage of American car dealers' huge inventory of unsold sport utility vehicles by dropping the SUVs on insurgent positions across Iraq.

The defense secretary revealed details of the new offensive, called Operation Iron Junk, at a briefing today at the Pentagon.

"Car dealers can't get rid of SUVs, and we can't seem to get rid of those pesky insurgents," Mr. Rumsfeld told reporters. "Hopefully, by dropping SUVs on insurgents, we will get rid of both."

Operation Iron Junk began over the weekend when a C-17 Globemaster III cargo plane pounded insurgent positions in the town of Qaim near the Syrian border by opening its cargo hold and dumping fourteen fully loaded Lincoln Navigators on foreign fighters and suspected al Qaeda operatives.

"There is nothing scarier than seeing one of those mammoth gas guzzlers falling from the sky," chuckled Mr. Rumsfeld. "I wish I'd been there!"

Mr. Rumsfeld said that wile most of the SUV strikes have been successful, a few have missed their mark, including a sortie on Sunday in which a Ford Expedition landed on an unoccupied Toyota Prius, instantly crushing it.

But on the whole, the defense secretary was prepared to call Operation Iron Junk a success: "This is by far the most mileage anyone has ever gotten out of an SUV."


8)
 

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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

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That's pretty funny. But I don't think the Ford would have the ability to target the broad side of a barn, let alone a Prius. :D
 

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So now we have thousands of former camel driving terrorists who couldn't get fifteen miles from home, with an unlimited access to oil now being furnished with Lincoln Navigators to carry their explosives in style and air-conditioned comfort for hundreds of miles while being chased by military hum-vees weighted down with patched on steel armor?
 

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BIF said:
That's pretty funny. But I don't think the Ford would have the ability to target the broad side of a barn, let alone a Prius. :D
I dunno, their Hybrid SUVs have blown Toyota's away. :shock:
 

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hyperion said:
So now we have thousands of former camel driving terrorists who couldn't get fifteen miles from home, with an unlimited access to oil now being furnished with Lincoln Navigators to carry their explosives in style and air-conditioned comfort for hundreds of miles while being chased by military hum-vees weighted down with patched on steel armor?
Well, that's if they have adequate refineries. SUV's don't burn crude oil very well.
 

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Mine burned oil - about a quart per tank of gas - and I found that to be pretty darn crude. :shock:
 

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hyperion said:
So now we have thousands of former camel driving terrorists who couldn't get fifteen miles from home, with an unlimited access to oil now being furnished with Lincoln Navigators to carry their explosives in style and air-conditioned comfort for hundreds of miles while being chased by military hum-vees weighted down with patched on steel armor?
Um, I think the point of this news parody is that the aforementioned SUVs would be dropped onto the insurgents sans parachutes. All it takes to total a Navigator is the roll-n-crush that results from a simple tire blowout while swerving to avoid road debris, so I hardly think one of these can be driven for hundreds of miles after being dropped from 20,000 ft (even if it lands on a nice cushy Prius or large pile of insurgents). :roll:
 

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Thanks, Hyp, now you've completely killed my Borowitz Report buzz. :(

However, I subscribe to both print and online CR and can't seem to find the report you are referring to. CR magazine hasn't done a full review of the Navigator since 1999. The April '05 auto issue simply notes that it rates "poor" for reliability and "fair" for owner satisfaction (pg. 62). If you are referring to the "Much better than average" crash and rollover resistance ratings in government tests, you should read further for CR's opinion of the auto industry-influenced government test procedures.

Most of the safety offered by these monster SUVs stems from their sheer mass compared with most ordinary vehicles they might collide with (the Navigator weighs 5,900 lb). The "safer in an SUV" myth falls apart when they experience rollovers, often single-vehicle accidents, which occur at much higher rates for SUVs due to their inherently poor stability and high centers of gravity. Theoretically, there is an NHTSA reg that mandates minimum roof-caving resistance (Rule 216), but the auto industry essentially wrote this rule, so..."In effect, the heaviest trucks and SUVs, mainstream products like the Dodge Durango, Lincoln Navigator and Chevy Tahoe, are technically exempt from the 216 test.

See: http://800lawinfo.com/practice/news.htm ... f%20Caving

Therefore, I'll concede your point that the Lincoln Navigator could easily survive the 20,000 ft drop (provided it lands on its feet). However, the terrorists could only drive it a few miles before having to put it in the shop for electrical and transmission work. So there. :p
 

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Seaside Harry said:
...Therefore, I'll concede your point that the Lincoln Navigator could easily survive the 20,000 ft drop (provided it lands on its feet). However, the terrorists could only drive it a few miles before having to put it in the shop for electrical and transmission work. So there. :p
At 20,000 feet, any object will reach terminal velocity, which I believe is approximately 120 miles per hour. It's doubtful that a 120 MPH crash will leave any car okay to drive.

But even if that's not good enough, don't worry, there's always that little problem with Fords where they EXPLODE INTO FLAME AND BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!

As of the last few weeks, Ford is just now beginning to officially acknowledge the problem. After YEARS of denial.
 

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BIF said:
At 20,000 feet, any object will reach terminal velocity, which I believe is approximately 120 miles per hour. It's doubtful that a 120 MPH crash will leave any car okay to drive.
OK, I'll further concede that we've now completely sucked the last bit of humor out of the Borowitz piece.

But even if that's not good enough, don't worry, there's always that little problem with Fords where they EXPLODE INTO FLAME AND BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!

As of the last few weeks, Ford is just now beginning to officially acknowledge the problem. After YEARS of denial.
Does this latest revelation cinch Ford's place in history as producer of the most incendiary line of vehicles ever? Just in my short lifetime there's been the "crash & kaboom" Mustang, the "crash, seal-the-doors & kaboom" Pinto, the "forget about your heart attack...now you're a burn victim" Ford ambulances and its flaming companion, the Crown-Vic "hot pursuit" Police Interceptor.

And now the self-immolating Expeditions, Navigators, & Ford pickups. Geez, even the GM side-saddle gas tank problem didn't cause this many fires did it? (Even if you count the ones that NBC faked for their exposé)

However, imagine if Operation Iron Drop's Navigators did survive the drop (shamelessly tying this back to the original thread), and could even be driven back to the insurgents' safe houses. There they sit parked at some bombmaker's house, ready to light up the garage in the middle of the night, along with the house and of course, all the high explosives contained therein. Now Ford could use the Microsoft marketing manra, "it's not a bug...it's a feature!"
 

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Seaside Harry said:
However, imagine if Operation Iron Drop's Navigators did survive the drop (shamelessly tying this back to the original thread), and could even be driven back to the insurgents' safe houses. There they sit parked at some bombmaker's house, ready to light up the garage in the middle of the night, along with the house and of course, all the high explosives contained therein. Now Ford could use the Microsoft marketing manra, "it's not a bug...it's a feature!"
Hee hee hee hee hee :lol:
 
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